Hiding behind my weight…there, I said it.
This is something I have yet to admit and it’s something that I’m ashamed of, but I feel like I need to say it somewhere.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve been eating, and I order online, and it used to be a cinch, now I feel like I barely fit into my clothes and it’s scary. I just want to shrink, and there’s not other way other than a diet change and some exercise.
Here’s the thing… I’m terrified about how I’m going to look after. What if even then I’m not happy with myself? What if I still feel like I’m ugly? I’ve been the self-proclaimed “juicy” girl for so long that I don’t know what to do, how I’m going to identify myself, if it’ll make me happy… I’m so conflicted and it’s scary and horrible and I feel like the ugliest girl with so much to give, and I have the most amazing boyfriend and I feel like he deserves the most amazing girl, and I know I’m that for him, but I want to love myself so he knows that he has someone as amazing as he thinks. I’m really lost and I need help.